Today marks exactly one month until departure!
I find myself in a weird mixture of extreme excitement and anxiety. I can’t help but feel that I need to be rushing around doing something regarding the move every second of the day. Anything from “don’t forget to submit this form!” to “… remember to bring your favourite mug for when you might be bawling your eyes out profusely and need comfort.”
(You’ll notice as time goes on that I tend to hyperbolize a lot)
And then there’s that. The emotional side to this all.
This is a big deal. A HUGE deal. While some participants have done these types of things before or visited Japan on a prior occasion, I’m uprooting myself for the first time and I don’t know what to expect.
I’m excited, but also scared. Very scared. Sometimes when I sit and think about it for a while, the scale of it looms over me.
Many of the ALTs in my new area have thankfully been able to reach out to me via Facebook, which has made the transition a little smoother so far.
Naturally, part of me worries a lot because of what I’m leaving behind here. The relationships that I’m scared will change. The ones that might dissolve. Making this decision was really, really difficult. I felt selfish for doing it. People in my life were happy, but didn’t want me to go at the same time.
"That’s really far."
"Aren’t you scared?"
"You’re brave, I wouldn’t be able to do that."
"I don’t want you to go."
I almost didn’t go through with it. It was an overwhelming amount of things to think about. But I didn’t find that to be a good excuse to give up this opportunity. Many people supported me through it as well… I’m sure no matter what, it will be an amazing experience in the grand scheme of things.
I just want people out there to know… if you have someone in your life making a decision like this and you think that they’re going off all happy and carefree, think again. Support them. It makes all the difference. Tell them it will be OK. Tell them you’ll be there for them no matter what. Remind them that skype exists for a reason. At times these are the comforts that I seek from people, but it’s hard when they think I haven’t thought about all of these daunting things.
At the moment, I can’t help but dwell on the things I’m leaving behind.
What’s meant to last will last… and one end will signal a new beginning.